Welcome to March in Colorado

I love Colorado. 80 degrees one day. Snow the next. Here is a very proud Alex standing next to his first snowman ever! If you're wondering why our snowman has broccoli for eyes . . . some of us are not all that well prepared for building snowmen, and I think I deserve extra points for creative use of leftovers.

Why I Hate the News . . .

Admittedly there are multiple reasons why I hate the news, and a complete list would probably last longer than the average attention span . . . so in the interest of retaining my readers, I'll stick with my current gripe. Aside from avoiding the news due to it's high content of stories meant to inspire a person to climb the nearest highest building and throw themselves from the top - The Denver Post does not practice journalism. They practice creative writing. As many Colorado-ites are aware (and the rest of the world doesn't particularly care), Denver's second newspaper, The Rocky Mountain, recently closed it's doors due to a bad economy and a surplus of folks with no talent. While The Rocky used to be the worst offender, The Denver Post has apparently incorporated some of the spirit of it's old compatriot - for which I recommend calling a Priest and performing and exorcism.

As a horrifying sample, I present yesterday's FRONT PAGE news! I realize the font is small, but I promise I am not making this up. I could get a clearer on-line copy, but it doesn't show that the article was on the front page!

First - the title meant to inspire warm fuzzy feelings of safety in today's troubled economy (I'm being sarcastic people . . . work with me!) "Trillion-dollar Trouble" Notice the total lack of actual description of the danger . . . which is followed by the heart-attack inducing text. "In Colorado and across the nation, our roads, bridges and water systems are crumbling, sometimes with devastating results." [As a side note, they left out the third comma. I'm a punctuation snob, and yes - it still matters. There was a 'fella who left $100,000 to be split evenly between Jane, Bob and Joe, and the court ruled $50,000 to Jane and $50,000 to Bob and Joe. THE COMMA MATTERS.]

But, wait! It get's better! Read the first line of the small print article (which I have retyped below, in case it is too small to see.)


"The dishwasher in Jennifer Williford's kitchen never washes a dish. She cleans them in a gray plastic tub, tossing the dishwater outside."

OMFG! IT'S FRONT PAGE NEWS

- courtesy of The Denver Post.

Trials and Tribulations of Knitting

It would help the completion of my first knitting project if I could get the darn thing started. I've unraveled Alex's hat at least six times now . . . though I'm getting better at putting the project back on the needles. This last time, I noticed the pattern wasn't building properly (I'm working on knit two, purl two - which will make sense to knitters. For the rest of you - just imagine the pattern has to go 2 -2 - 2- 2). On a hunch, I counted my stitches before I unraveled it . . . and I had 87 stitches. Hint: odd numbers are not happy for an even pattern. ::sigh::

Invasion of the Giant Squid

At last others are rallying to my cause! Apparently global warming is causing a population explosion of giant squid (frankly - I'm not sure how related those facts are - I think the squid have been lying in wait and the numbers of the squid army may have risen sufficiently to justify the beginning of the conquest of mankind). Their new habitats and breeding grounds have expanded to include the waters off the coast of California. Even the news reporter cites our best form of defense as eating them before they eat us. Take heed. Take warning!

Click here to see more about the Squid Invasion!

Calamari, ho!

Slim in Six

Admit it. You know it's happened to you as well. One minute you're flipping through channels trying to find cartoons for your kid - the next, you're sitting on the couch engrossed in an informercial and thinking "wow - I could use that!"

My infomercial experience ended with stretchy exercise bands and a work-out program called Slim in Six - which claims to transform you body in six weeks. As is tradition with most infomercial purchases, I placed the program on a shelf, intending to get to it shortly, and dusted it off a year and a half later.

The amazing thing is - the program is working! I recently admitted that I will never make it to the gym to exercise, and when I remembered my long neglected infomercial purchase, I decided to give it a try on my own schedule and in my own way. Instead of transforming my body in six weeks, I decided a cardio workout 2-3 times a week would be useful and doable . . . and much to my surprise, I'm getting amazing results!

I will admit that I occasionally yell things at the T.V. (like "how come none of you are breathing hard?") . . . but overall, I am pleased with how things are going, and I can actually see new muscle definition.

Hooray for exercise!!! (And I think several members of my family just disowned me.)