The Davinci Code

I finally caved to peer pressure and read a copy of the Da Vinci Code - mostly so I could participate in all the impromptu conversations regarding this particular piece of writing. The following pretty much sums up everything I think about the Da Vinci Code:

1) The book is VERY poorly written from a technical standpoint; and

2) The best way to piss off anyone who has read the book is to ask them: "Who betrayed the brotherhood?" (This is also a great way to stop all conversation at a dinner party.)

WARNING MINOR SPOILERS BELOW - IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE BOOK AND DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS, SKIP THE REST OF THIS POST.

The entire book is essentially a murder mystery, and yet - we never find out who started the whole darn mess. If you answer "no one betrayed the brothehood," then you have to swallow that a complete outsider managed to guess the identities of all four top members of a secret society. I would give the outsider one, maybe two names, but ALL FOUR?

I have my own personal theory, which should prove highly controversial. One of the main themes woven throughout the book is the constant underestimation of women by a patriarchal society. This is made even funnier when you realize there are really only three female characters in the book - and, not to name names, my bet is on the woman who was part of the brotherhood.

I also am of the opinion that Teabing's kidnapping (and everything it entails) is merely an unecessary plot point, put in place to add drama - much as the "suspense" status of the book can actually be tied to a simple writing gimmick. The author never finishes a conversation.

"What's in the box?
DUN DUN DUN - next chapter.

"But I haven't told you my secret yet."
DUN DUN DUN - next chapter.

The actual contents of the box or nature of the secret are really not all that shocking - but, by cutting off the conversation in strategic points, the author artificially creates a sense of "suspense."

THERE IS NO PURPOSE TO TEABING'S KIDNAPPING. The most common answer is "it had to happen because the butler didn't follow orders" but, ahem, the butler broke orders only AFTER THE PLAN WAS SET IN MOTION. If you think you can defend Teabing's kidnapping, by all means - let me in on the secret. Otherwise, it is simply a device whereby the author can show off several clever "cloak and dagger" ideas that he had. Too bad some of us care about little things like motivation and character development.

And finally (and, in my opinion, most annoyingly), FOR THE LOVE OF PETE - if you are on the run from the law, and you somehow end up in an armored car from an extremely famous and influential Swiss bank, I think anyone of average run-of-the-mill intelligence could figure out THERE MIGHT BE A WAY TO TRACK THE VEHICLE (i.e. Lowjack System). I suppose you could argue the two main characters are sleep deprived, but at the same time that they drive an armored car directly to their hideout, they are figuring out the answers to a trail of extremely convoluted and complicated riddles.

AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Having said all of that, I really think the Da Vinci Code has done the world a service by introducing the concepts of Goddess worship and Paganism into mainstream literature in a favorable light. I think the vast popularity of the book is more due to a fascination with Goddess worship than to the gripping nature of the story (which roughly corresponds to being slapped by a wet jellyfish - intriguing at first, but very little substance).

I am putting away my soapbox now. Thank you for listening.